Horror Off-Season: Chernobyl Diaries

Before we begin, there is one thing that I should probably get out of the way.  Whenever I write these movie reviews I try to be as objective as possible.  Of course reviews are by nature opinion pieces, and it's impossible to form an opinion of something that isn't colored by personal experience or feelings regarding a given topic.  So what I mean is that I try to be as aware of these biases as I can so that when one of them makes me feel a certain way about a movie, I can explain it and not just stumble around trying to claim my opinion is absolute truth. 

In the interests of being as clear about my own personal biases regarding the subject matter as I can, I will preface this discussion of Chernobyl Diaries with the fact that I am Ukrainian.  Now, I was born and raised in suburban America but I'm 50% Ukrainian by blood.  My mother immigrated here when she was 14 and attempted to raise me to at least be aware of my heritage.  While I never managed to incorporate the language or culture into my own personal identity (unless a drinking contest is involved), there are aspects of my upbringing that are impossible to get around.  Namely, I was born in 1985 and the Chernobyl disaster happened in 1986, well before my first conscious memory.  I have literally been aware of what happened since I could understand human language.  When I was a kid my mother's church would hold fund raisers for Chernobyl victims in their basement, so I would be there toddling around and being exposed to these science fair-style triptychs of the devastation.  I saw photos of abandoned and looted apartments and midways, mutated animals, mutated people...for better or worse these images are a part of my formative years, and nuclear disasters and mutants are some of my earliest nightmares.

So I don't need a movie to show me all the gory details or parade a freak with a melted face in front of me like The Hills Have Eyes did.  All it needed to do was say "Pripyat" and establish a credible atmosphere and I will take that ball and run with it, imagining nightmare fuel around every corner.  And on that token, Chernobyl Diaries performed admirably.

From a visual aspect the film felt a lot like Cloverfield or Quarantine, using mostly handheld camera shots making you feel like you were another person in the middle of the scene.  They also had some great wide shots that really drove home the eerie stillness and isolation of the city.  The dialog and pace of the plot was all very frantic keeping you moving along from point to point without too much time to stop and catch your bearings, but it was never too difficult to tell what was going on.  There was a point towards the end of the movie where an incredibly creepy looking little girl appeared; before you could really get a good look at her, shit went bananas and everybody had to run again.  I lost track a bit there because a roving band of theater hoppers appeared in my 11:30pm showing and started critiquing the characters.

The introduction bits were difficult to get through because the film knew that with as little as it was going to show of the Pripyat inhabitants that it needed to get going as quickly as possible.  As such, it felt like we were being forcibly dragged through the first several minutes of the movie, establishing the character relationships.  I'm not really sure if it was a bad thing, but I didn't feel like I could really focus on anything until the movie settled into the main storyline.

There were bits where it could be argued that the characters behave retardedly for plot convenience and that no real person would act so stupid, but I didn't see it.  Yes, there were instances of information being withheld until after it would've been most important, or just mentioned and brushed aside...but from the perspective of the characters that information did not matter.  Even if they had been able to put 2 and 2 together to get 4, it wouldn't have made a lick of difference for their situation.  The characters weren't particularly deep, but nobody seemed like an obviously obnoxious stereotype without any other qualities, and the acting was passable enough that everyone felt genuine.  That's not to say everyone was memorable or unique, some of them were boring and forgettable, but they felt like real people.  Uri is a standout because while I may question his badass credentials, he felt a bit tragic when he was giving the tour.

The group dynamics were a bit chaotic, but can you really blame them given the situation?  In the chaos, it also seemed like the movie kindof dropped a few things.  There was a moment where one character was bitten pretty badly by some mutant fish, and then nothing is ever made of it again.  It's a little odd, but I didn't even think of it until several hours after the movie.

The very end of the movie threw me for a total loop, I think it could've actually benefited from being maybe 5 minutes shorter.  It's one of those totally unexpected, very unfair, twist ending sucker punches where they kill the final cast member in like the last frame of the movie in a very cruel way. It was just so sudden and strange that I couldn't really make sense of it.  I'm sure there's an audience for that sort of thing since I've seen a lot of other movies and episodes of The Outer Limits end like that, but it just rubbed me the wrong way.

Chernobyl Diaries isn't some grand horror statement, but it is a pretty competently done scary movie.  I think that all it was aiming to do was have some fun with an interesting premise and do something exciting, and at that I can't fault it.  I know I have a large bias regarding the setting going in, but I don't think that has anything to do with why I think it's not a bad flick.  I think that given the subject matter and just a bit of imagination anyone can psych themselves up for a scary movie set in a mini-nuclear wasteland.  It is creepier because it really exists.

I enjoyed it, it was a fun movie to watch and it had some very well done scary moments.

Anyway, that's just like...my opinion, man.

--PXA