Friday, March 7, 2008

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! Part 2: Speed

Now that part 1 of the series has been imported to the new blog I think it's appropriate to finish the 2nd part of the series. Doubly appropriate after recently being deemed by New York State as not a threat to the road.


Unfortunately there are these great big JERKS on the road who mess with people who understand the true nature of today's article. The topic is SPEED and the jerks are the POLICE. Yes, the police are jerks. While I'll admit that in theory they do some good things for society most all of these things are not on the road. On the road these men are tyrants. Angry bullies who hide behind bridges and bushes and try to catch you driving faster than some arbitrary number that was posted on a sign somewhere IF you're lucky.
Adding to how much they suck is the DMV, keeping track of points and passing calculated judgment on the status of your driving license based on another arbitrary number. 3 even MINOR infractions in A YEAR AND A HALF can have your car languishing in not-being-driven-ness. I nearly got boned on my first ticket in 15 months because of the way the system "works".

So now that these JERKS and this crappy system have created an arbitrary middle ground, us drivers can create the extremes.

My roommate lives on the one extreme, the one they make movies about. Unfortunately a significant amount of you live in the other one...it's a little unbalanced but true.

In theory many of us are taught that Speed Limit is a LIMIT, hard DO-NOT-GO-FASTER and this is enforced by the JERKS. However in practice this number is generally derived from a physics equations to determine the maximum safe speed in relatively inclement weather. In standard weather conditions, given any amount of skill, it's usually possible to drive twice the posted limit and still be completely in control of the car. Of course, if you're the target of this series...you haven't got the skill. Sorry, buddy.

Safety on the road is paramount and if you can't handle a speed don't drive that fast but NO ONE can seriously expect me to believe they can't handle 65, 55 miles an hour. Although maybe if there's something else wrong with you but then you really shouldn't be on the road at all. This idiotic "SLOWER==SAFER" behavior so many of you seem to be indulging in is HAZARDOUS. Just as people without skill driving too fast is bad, ANYONE driving too slow is also bad. If you're so damn stubborn that you can't handle the idea of driving the speed of everyone around you then you are putting me in danger and I have every right to be mad at you. The speed of the road is determined by the drivers and not the number on the sign. If you're not driving at least the speed of the road you are creating congestions and unnatural traffic flow which makes it harder for everyone else on the road to adjust to the other drivers.

So driving too slow is bad, and generally lends itself to 2 other also bad things:
1) Everyone else assumes you're an 80 year old lady. Seriousy, stop.
2) You will turn too slow.

Turns can normally be handled safely at 15-20 miles an hour, up to 30 but not easily or comfortably. And these are the 90 degree intersection types of turns, not merging off the highway. So if you're taking your sweet time with a turn driving 5 miles an hour, other drivers will be forced to pull an "OMG GOTTA SLOW DOWN PERSON STILL THERE" because you are not following the flow of traffic and causing unnatural congestion. This is how rear-end collisions are made.

Way-too-long story short: Speed, if weather allows, for the love of all that is good and holy...SPEED. 15, 20 miles an hour over... Just do it.

And don't worry about JERKS, they'll just as soon pull you over for driving faster than everybody else as they will for driving SLOWER than everybody else. So just fit the traffic flow and let those of us who want to, go faster than your slow ass.

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